Hadiza El-Rufai reveals she never planned for a polygamous marriage, sharing candid reflections amid Nigeria’s growing polygamy debate
Hadiza El-Rufai Breaks Silence on Polygamy, Marriage Choices and Staying Strong
Hajia Hadiza Isma El-Rufai, the first wife of former Kaduna State Governor and former Minister of the Federal Capital Territory (FCT), Nasir El-Rufai, has revealed that she never envisaged being in a polygamous marriage when she got married.
The former First Lady made the revelation on Sunday via her official X (formerly Twitter) handle while reacting to a trending debate on polygamy across social media platforms.
Sharing her personal experience, Hadiza disclosed that she was raised in a monogamous household and assumed her marriage would follow the same path, noting that the subject of polygamy was never discussed before she and her husband tied the knot.
“My husband was raised in a polygamous family, while I, by contrast, grew up in a monogamous one. When we agreed to get married, I envisaged a monogamous marriage, even though the subject was never discussed,” she wrote.
However, during the course of the marriage, Nasir El-Rufai went on to marry two other wives — Asia Ahmad El-Rufai and Aisha Ummi Garba El-Rufai — transforming the union into a polygamous one.
Reflecting on the experience, Hadiza explained that while the transition into polygamy was not initially her choice, her decision to remain in the marriage was a conscious one.
“Now I find myself in a polygamous marriage, not by choice initially, but subsequently by choice. The transformation of our marriage from a monogamous one to a polygamous one was my husband’s choice and not mine. Deciding to remain in the marriage was my choice and nobody else’s.”
She further clarified that under Islamic law, which governed their marriage, a woman reserves the right to exit the union if she so chooses, albeit with conditions.
“We got married under Islamic law and under that law, a woman reserves the right to opt out of a marriage, even without giving a reason. One condition, though, is that she must return the dowry that was paid to her,” she added, injecting humour into the conversation.
Taking a reflective tone, the former First Lady highlighted what she described as some unexpected advantages of polygamy from the perspective of a first wife, including more personal time, increased focus on career and children, and shared family responsibilities.
“It is often said that ‘when life gives you lemons you make lemonade’ and that’s what I’ve tried to do. I decided to look at the good side of things,” she noted.
Hadiza concluded her post with a message of tolerance and personal freedom, stressing that marriage choices remain deeply personal.
“Really, at the end of the day, it is: ‘To Each His Own’. Let’s keep striving to be happy. We only have one life to live.”
Her candid reflection has since sparked widespread reactions online, with many Nigerians praising her honesty and maturity, while others reignited broader conversations around marriage structures, choice, and societal expectations.
